i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
