Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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