College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
