I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
