my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
