batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
