Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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