im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
