so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
