HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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