Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
