my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
