Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
