i just wanna soil my oats bro
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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