Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I am full of burrito and curiosity
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
