He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
