She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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