good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
