If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize