WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
