??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do vagina's smell?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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