JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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