Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
