So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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