If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
