im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
