You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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