Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
