Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
