But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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