pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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