Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
