forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize