My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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