dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
