mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
