alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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