I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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