remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize