You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
