4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize