I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
