Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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