if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
