Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
