Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
