You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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