why didn't you poke me back
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
