i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
