need another drink. this is the easiest way
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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