My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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