im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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