I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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