you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
