I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
