what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
