Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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