im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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