is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
