Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
