"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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