my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
