It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
