Your dad touched me again.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
