The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
