forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
