Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The power of my boobs compel you
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
