Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
