if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
