dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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